Dearest Swarna,
Emptiness within, emptiness
without, I am unable to believe that a person so diminutive in size could have
filled a life so huge. Your departure has taken away everything that is mine,
for all I had was you and the rest was incidental to having you in my life.
Now, you have left and left everything
that was yours, including me, to me. I have been telling you when you were
alive that without you I am nothing. I am
if you are. All your possessions,
material and metaphysical, are mine to tend to, now. If you are watching over
me from Heaven you will see I am struggling but doing a decent job of it –
household, children, grandchildren – all except me. I am unable to cope with life
without you. I have let go of your physical body to the embers of the pyre but
I can never let go of your soul, your memories, your thoughts, and your
moments. They are all I have now. I am the “prince” for all these inner riches.
I am the “pauper” for missing their source.
My life, whatever is left of
it, is a drag, a burden day after interminable day. I wait, dear, for that
moment when my summonses arrive, so that I can unite with you once again. Until
then au revoir, auf wiedersehen, so long, फ़िर मिलेंगे.
Your
Shyam
